Learning how to make mom friends is one thing, but finding mom friendships that can last a lifetime is another.
Here are five helpful tips for bringing fantastic people into your family’s life!
How To Make Friends With Other Moms
Here are five steps for making mom friends, and the first one might surprise you!
1. Get Prepared For Making Mom Friends
Many articles about how to make mom friends start by sharing places to meet other moms.
And while that’s a big piece to the making mom friends puzzle, it’s not the first place to start, in my opinion.
I’d encourage you to start by asking yourself the questions below!
Am I ready to make new friends?
You’re tapping into this information, so the answer is likely YES! However, this is still a helpful question if you’re searching for quality mom friendships.
If you’re in a tough spot emotionally, financially, or otherwise, you might want to wait before trying to develop new friendships.
By no means does your life need to look picture-perfect! For example, if you’re going through a hardship like a divorce, you can make wonderful friendships with fellow moms walking in your shoes. And Facebook groups for divorced moms are a good starting place.
But if you feel like your life is crumbling around you, it might not be the best time to try and attract the right type of people into your world. So, fix anything significant with the support of your tried-and-true friends and family.
Do I have time for new friends?
Once you’ve established you’re ready to make new friends; it’s time to make sure you can fit them into your busy life.
While this might start to sound like I’m giving you dating advice, you’re not that far off. Any relationship takes time and effort to flourish.
So, pull up your calendar and see where you have spots available for future friendship dates.
What are my friendship nonnegotiables?
Yup, we’re going here – because it’s essential!
Inviting people from all walks of life into your bubble is beautiful! However, there are some core values you’ll want to be aligned with – especially if these people will spend time around your children.
As a plus size mom, I don’t want fatphobic people in my life. So I don’t want to be friends with people who are always talking about dieting and making me feel ashamed of my body. But I’d love a walking buddy who doesn’t mind meeting me at my slower pace!
See the difference?
I don’t want anyone who is racist, sexist, or homophobic in my family’s life regularly. Unfortunately, it can sometimes be challenging to assess these things during a few playdates. So I’m always keeping an ear out and hoping for the best, but unafraid to end unhealthy friendships.
So, think about what type of people you want to attract into your life. Of course, you can be an acquaintance with anyone, but know without a doubt what values you won’t compromise on when letting someone into your bubble.
What does my social media say about me?
Like it or not, prospective mom friends will scope out your social media to see if you’re someone they’d like to get to know or not. And you should do the same!
The content you shared on social media five years ago might not align with your current values. And while you might assume no one sees anything you shared years ago, social media is forever!
For example, while most people have private Facebook pages and think their content is pretty locked down, there’s still a public view. So, you know that one meme on Facebook you’d never share currently but did in the past? It might appear in your feed if marked public.
You can follow these steps from Facebook to see your public view, and anything marked “public” and not “friends” will pop up. Yes, even possibly things from years ago.
And don’t just look at Facebook; spend time on all of your social media outlets. Ask yourself, “would I want to be friends with this person?”
Now, you sure don’t want to curate your feed to represent you as someone you’re not – but you can do a little housecleaning.
And while you’re looking at your social media, give yourself a Google, too!
2. How To Make Mom Friends In Your Area Or Online
Technically you can make a new mom friend pretty much anywhere. But the odds of a two-minute conversation in the checkout lane at your grocery store turning into a flourishing friendship is slim. So, below you’ll see popular options for meeting your new mom bestie.
Before we begin, by all means, please don’t walk away from meeting a prospective new friend without asking for their contact information. So, that’s another reason why you’ll want to audit your social media before searching for a new best friend. It’s often easier to ask if someone is on Facebook or Instagram rather than asking for their phone number.
Okay, now that we’ve established that you won’t depart from making a great connection without a way actually to connect, let’s proceed.
These days, social media is one of the most common places we build and sustain friendships – and there’s nothing wrong with that!
Social media makes connecting with like-minded individuals easy by joining groups like “Attachment Parents” for those who like the attachment parenting philosophy.
So, after establishing your friendship nonnegotiables, consider what parenting groups you’d like to join (bonus points if they are local).
Once you join a group, the more you engage, the higher the odds you’ll hit a friendship jackpot.
It’s fantastic to get our kids engaged with activities. But while you’re taking photos for the grandparents or catching up on social media – put down the phone and look around. See if you spot another solo mom looking for some company.
Another option is to volunteer with whatever activities your kids are involved with or at their school. You’ll make more connections this way and have opportunities to develop friendships. Plus, it feels good to be a volunteer.
The following might not be a popular opinion, but I encourage you to say yes to any birthday party invites! Depending on the age of your children, many people drop the kiddos off and enjoy a little me-time. Instead, hang around and even offer the hostess a helping hand. You might develop a friendship then and there!
Social Groups (online & in-person)
Social groups are the tried and true way to find mom friendships (or a date), be it your church or knitting group.
So, consider your interests, from books to blogging. Then go onto sites like Meetup.com to connect locally or in online spaces you’ve vetted and feel good joining.
And if you have a little one, there are many mommy and me meetup groups to join.
Lastly, look no further than your backyard. Depending on the walkability of your neighborhood, consider spending more time outside with the kiddos. Be on the lookout for other parents, from your front yard to neighborhood parks.
And once a friendly-looking mom is spotted, build up the courage to introduce yourself!
3. Plan to Meet
Where to meet in person for the first time?
Once you’ve connected with someone new, they might surprise you by reaching out first to set up a time to get together. But no worries if they don’t; we’ve got you even if you’re an introvert trying to make mom friends.
So, you’ve met a prospective mom friend, have their info, and now it’s time for your first date…play date, that is!
If your kids are around the same age, it’s easy to use the kids as an excuse to get together. You can suggest meeting at a park, library, mall play area, or other accessible spaces.
If their kids aren’t the same age, or you need a break from the kiddos, going to a coffee shop is a great first friend date, in my experience.
Coffee shops naturally allow people to place their orders, so there’s no awkwardness over the check. It’s also a fine space to stay until you’ve taken your last sip if things aren’t going great. Or sit for hours if you’ve made a fantastic connection.
By all means, do a lunch date if you want. However, avoid inviting someone over or going to their home until you’ve met a few times in public. Safety, first!
Side note: as a plus size mom making friends, I like the ability to select the location we meet so I don’t have to worry about seating not being accommodating. But, if someone invites me somewhere new, I jump onto Google to scope out photos of their seating options long before I arrive.
From your favorite park, library story time, or coffee shop to your favorite lunch spot – pull yourself out of your comfort zone and set up that first meetup! The worst someone can say is no; the best outcome is a new best friend, and that’s worth the fear of rejection.
What about connecting with online friends in real life (IRL)?
Posting about a meetup in a local mom’s Facebook group is often met with a lot of excitement. But not much follow-up! So, unless you’re an extrovert who loves event planning, consider seeing what family-friendly events are coming up in your community.
Then do a post in the local group asking who is planning to attend. Next, coordinate a time and place to meet at the event. You might not have a big turnout the first time, but continue to post (and share pictures of events).
You would’ve attended the event with or without planning a meetup. So, take things as they flow and try again if you don’t immediately make a new mom friend.
How can I meet my online friends virtually?
Social media friendships are genuine. However, the text typed on your phone has no tone. So, I encourage you to meet to get to know one another on a whole new level.
Since that’s not always geographically possible, set up a Zoom or FaceTime date.
You can see one another immediately if you’re already communicating via Facebook messenger. Simply tap the video camera on the top right and connect on a deeper level. Just be sure to give your friend a heads up or plan a video date in advance.
There are fun ways to connect virtually with friends old and new. Consider setting up a Netflix Watch Party. Or do a canvas painting via a YouTube tutorial and then show your masterpieces via video.
4. Cultivate Mom Friendships
All relationships take work, especially quality mom friendships! That’s why I asked you to ensure you had time for new friends before beginning the search.
Following your first meetup, you’ll want to keep reaching out if you’d like to pursue the friendship. Now, everyone is busy so don’t feel rejected if you can’t get together immediately. Set realistic expectations for mom friends, so hopefully, you can start with a monthly playdate.
Between in-person meetups, engage with their social media and send them a random mom meme that makes you think of them or a TikTok. Be sure you’re aware of the best way to remain in touch. For example, anxious moms might not like to communicate via text because they might feel like they need to respond right away. Facebook Messenger is a bit less intrusive and often preferable.
I hope your new friendship blossoms into something special that you’ll cherish forever!
5. Evaluate Your Friendships
“People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.” – Brian Chalker
This quote is a tough pill to swallow when a friendship you thought would last forever ends in a season. But remember that there are only so many hours in a day. So, the older we get (and the more activities our kids enroll in), we realize the benefits of quality over quantity.
And quality friendships often last a lifetime!
Even if you’ve invested a year into a friendship that started magically, it’s okay to let go if it’s currently feeling like a chore. And you can do that by stopping being the one always to reach out. That person will eventually contact you if you have a lasting friendship.
Setting healthy boundaries with friends isn’t always easy, but it’s critical.
Devote extra time to those who enrich your life, and you’ll be amazed at how much of a positive impact these relationships will make.
You’ve got this, and I hope these tips help you to welcome the most fantastic people into your life!
Learn even more by listening to episode 178 of the Plus Mommy Podcast below.
Recording & Show Notes: Plus Mommy Podcast Episode 178
Transcript happily provided upon request.