7 Things I Wish I Knew Before My Kid Became a Teen
In this deeply personal solo episode of the Plus Mommy Podcast, Jen McLellan opens up about the unexpected, emotional, and often awkward realities of parenting a teenager.
Parenting a teenager is a journey filled with love, growth, awkward moments, and unexpected emotional turns. As children grow into adolescents, the role of a parent evolves in ways that are both beautiful and heartbreaking. These are seven things I’ve learned, often the hard way, since entering this new chapter of motherhood.
1. Parenting a Teen Can Feel Isolating
In the early years, parenting often came with a built-in support system.
I was surrounded by friends who were also new moms, and we shared everything from breastfeeding tips to sleepless nights. We were deeply connected, and nothing felt off-limits.
But as our kids have grown, so has the silence.
With respect for my son’s privacy, I share less about my motherhood journey now, and that shift has brought me an unexpected loneliness.
It’s not that I still don’t have close friends or fellow moms I trust; it’s that some of the things I’m navigating now feel too private to share, even with them.
I find myself walking a tightrope between needing support and honoring my son’s growing independence. And that balance? It’s isolating in a way I never anticipated.
2. The Snuggles Don’t Last Forever
There was a time when I was showered in hugs and endless affection. These days, I’m lucky if I get a quick side hug.
As a parent, I’m proud of the way we’ve chosen to raise our son—especially around body autonomy and consent. From a young age, we taught that “stop” means stop, even during tickle fights. We encouraged him to trust his own boundaries and to respect others’. Now that he’s older, hugs aren’t a given anymore. I ask, “May I have a hug?” And sometimes the answer is no.
And while that stings, I remind myself: his “no” is not rejection—it’s agency.
Sure, there are moments when I miss those spontaneous snuggles so much it hurts. But raising a child who feels safe saying no, even to me, is far more important than my want for a hug.
3. Body Stuff Gets Awkward
The truth is, the body changes of adolescence bring up a lot—for them and for us.
I’ve stumbled through conversations about hygiene, hair care, and even deodorant, trying to strike the right tone.
I want to be supportive, not critical. But sometimes my words land wrong. What I meant as a helpful reminder comes across as judgment. And while I’m trying to keep the lines of communication open, I’ve learned that how I say something matters just as much as what I say.
And then there are the bigger conversations—about puberty, consent, attraction. I’ve always wanted to be the kind of parent my child could talk to about anything, and I think we’ve built a solid foundation. But that doesn’t mean these moments aren’t still awkward. They are. Sometimes painfully so.
But I’d rather wade through that discomfort than say nothing at all.
4. Diet Culture Still Sneaks In
We’ve tried to raise our son in a body-positive home. No food shaming. No diet talk.
We model acceptance and prioritize joyful movement over weight loss goals. And yet, harmful messages still sneak in—through media, peers, even well-meaning adults.
It’s frustrating to watch. And heartbreaking. I know what it’s like to grow up with body shame, and I’ve done so much work to unpack that for myself. But it’s still hard to know how to protect him when the world around him hasn’t changed much.
Sometimes, I find myself questioning everything, especially when old thought patterns try to creep back in. But I remind myself that I’m not just parenting him, I’m still reparenting myself. And doing both at once requires a lot of grace.
5. Car Rides = Connection
I’ve come to treasure our time in the car. It’s one of the few places where my teen opens up without prompting. Maybe it’s the lack of eye contact or the safety of being side by side. Whatever it is, it works.
Some of our best conversations happen during the short drive to school or running errands. I’ve learned not to force it. Just be there, ready to listen when he decides to talk.
Sometimes he surprises me with something big. Other times, it’s small stuff. But I’ve found that what matters most is simply showing up for the conversation—whatever it may be.
6. You’re Going to Mourn the Version of Who They Used to Be While Celebrating Who They Are Becoming
I miss the days of bedtime songs and little hands in mine. I miss being his safe place…his favorite person.
And yet, there’s something so powerful about watching him become who he is now. He’s sharp, insightful, hilarious, and growing more and more independent. The pride I feel watching him advocate for himself or light up talking about a new interest is unlike anything else.
It’s complicated. I can hold joy and grief at the same time. I can long for the past while feeling genuine excitement about the young adult he’s becoming.
If you’re in this phase, you’re not doing it wrong by missing what once was. Letting go of the little version of your child doesn’t make you any less present for who they are now. In fact, it might just help you love them even better.
It’s okay to miss your little buddy. It’s okay to grieve the days when you were their whole world. Missing that doesn’t mean you aren’t showing up for who they are now. It just means you loved that version of them deeply, too.
7. They Still Need You, Just Differently
No more tying shoes or bedtime stories. Now, he needs rides, reminders, and someone sitting quietly beside him without demanding conversation.
He needs space, safety, freedom, and guidance.
Sometimes, he’ll talk my ear off about anime. Other times, I’m lucky if I get a head nod. But when he needs me, really needs me, I try to show up.
It doesn’t always look like it used to, but the need is still there.
Even if they don’t ask for help the way they used to, the need is still there. It just looks different now—less obvious, more layered. Stick around. Be the steady presence in the background. It matters more than they’ll ever say out loud.
You’re doing a great job (even if it doesn’t feel like it).
Go even deeper and feel far less alone by tuning into this episode of the Plus Mommy Podcast!
Recording & Show Notes: Plus Mommy Podcast Episode 229
Transcript happily provided upon request.
